You're my little dorito
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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