some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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