I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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