it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
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dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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