I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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