I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
