Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
