I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
