I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
