Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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