she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
