I'm so fucking centered right now
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
