The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
