First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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