I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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