Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I am one with the molecules
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
