You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
