based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
