I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
