You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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