I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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