I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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