Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
