Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
