Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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