I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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