Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
