Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
