sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
