I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
