NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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