Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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