When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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