If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
