just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
