I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
