so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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