so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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