Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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