I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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