her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
do herpes really smell.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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