From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
