dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
