she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
