But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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