I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
