my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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