This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
