is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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