I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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