How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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