oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
