I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
