I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
