i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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