This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
