Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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