Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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