Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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