My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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