I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize