finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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