God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
