as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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