i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
