My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
