i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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