Quick, to the slutcave!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
