Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
